You and me? We were meant to be.

He just stared at her. Watching her frantically try to lap up water from the bowl in front of her, but failing miserably.

He looked straight ahead, with a piercing look. 

"Cindy has rabies. Its the last stage. Take her to the Parel veterinary hospital, and admit her immediately."

A tear rolled down my cheek.

All her life, this German Shepherd had been treated royally. She was more of a daughter to my parents, than I ever was. She was that one link, that brought us all together.

My mum always said that she had three children - Cindy, My brother and I.

It all started the previous night. After dinner she had been given her treat, but surprisingly she didn't gobble it up the way she normally does. She tried real hard to bite on it, but still no luck.

The next morning when having her breakfast, it all started falling from the sides of her mouth. Her jaw just couldn't be moved.

The vet had just so easily stamped her as a case of rabies.

As soon as my mum received the news, she broke down. My dad, was still not convinced.
They drove across the city, to the hospital. By now, my mother was into the possessive-mother-lioness mode.
There was no way Cindy could have had rabies. She was vaccinated and always walked by my parents, or me. And we took utmost care.
It took a lot to convince the people at the hospital otherwise. Mum plainly refused for Cindy to be kept in the Rabies Ward. It was no ward; just a fenced area without a cover for the dogs left to die, in the scorching heat.

I sat in front of her kennel at home. And cried. Cried my heart out. Cried until my crying became more like a questioning session with God.

I woke up, to find myself on my bed. I shut my eyes tightly. I didn't want to get up.
I could hear voices outside, confirming that it wasn't just a bad dream.

That was the first time I heard my father cry.

I clutched onto my pillow and suddenly there was darkness all around me.

Those two days were the worst days of my life.
It was as if my whole world had crashed, in just a day.

The doctors and ward boys refused to touch her.
But my parents never lost hope. Day in and day out, they travelled all the way to the hospital taking liquid meals with them, and force-feeding her. Not once letting the thought of her dying, let them do otherwise.

A couple of days passed. This feeding routine of my parents' went on. Her bark had changed. Her eyes had supposedly changed colour. The signs were all there.

I not once went to see her at the hospital. My life had come to a standstill.
I didn't know what I was doing. I lost appetite. I didn't feel like talking. I found myself staring into empty space, thinking about nothing.

After my parents' gazillion talks with the doctors and convincing theories, they decided to give her an ultimatum. If she survives the next week, they would be ready to take her on the table and examine her.

And my baby made it!

In the park. One year ago.

More recent. On the verandah of our home.

Her favourite pastime- Gossiping with the sparrows.

***

This happened on 20th November,2012. Cindy is perfectly awesome now :)

She lived through the week, and proved the absence of the rabies virus.

The X-rays showed a bone stuck in her throat, locking her jaw, that prevented food from going down her throat. And the difference in her bark was due to lack of water. The change in eye-color was pure BS.

She did not have rabies!

That week, was the worst one of my life.


Rabies is a virus that can be spread by the saliva of mammals. So, thats why if you have a rabies infected animal's saliva penetrating into your skin, through an open wound you should consult your family physician ASAP.

The signs of rabies in dogs, don't appear until 15 days.

Rabies has three stages. There are vaccines available. The final stage, is a death sentence.

What I learnt from the experience : India is in dire need of well educated and qualified, honest veterinarians.
Source: Worth-less blabbering veterinarian idiots.

In this tug of war, you'll always win. Even when, I'm right.

I stared back at my reflection in the mirror. Gone was the spark. The dull eyes, the pale skin, the dark circles weren't always there. A far contrast from my image of me, if you ask.

The feeling of being torn, I had become quite familiar with.

They always leave.
And in their wake, as I try to deal with their absence, I find a part of me disengaging from the world, bit-by-bit.
I find not-interacting-with-people a better option.
I admit, I get attached to people real quick. Is that a bad thing?

The idea of a my shell, seems the best to me. Where its just me. Nobody else.

Dad is not here half the time.
Al left.
Ted and I would never be the same again.
Mo, gone. Thousands of miles away.

Maybe I should change the name of my blog, to Me and My Boys. 

Sometimes the reality is too harsh to face. How I wish the earth would indeed open up, and swallow me down.
Running away from problems, am I?
 Im just fourteen.

Theres no gravity to hold me down, for real.

I just happened to turn, and of all the things that had to catch my eye, it was him.

I just happened to gaze into his eyes, and I was lost. Again. Talk about deja vu.

My tummy does this flip-flop. And, I catch my breath.

This is not supposed to happen. Not after all this.

He smiles. I try to, too.

And, just as that gorgeous smile comes into view, the whole universe around us fades.

Its only him, and me.

All the memories we shared, flood back into my mind.

All those efforts to bury them deep down, gone futile. All because of a smile.

How can I be so weak?

He takes a few steps towards me. I felt a rush.
 The sudden electricity in the evening air, prominent.

This is where I say, I ended up making a fool outta myself.

Cause frankly, I don't remember what we spoke about. I was in a daze, literally. 

It had been one whole year, since I last saw him. 

What I felt around him, I think. Is the closest to love, I had ever felt.
And, it felt good.

What I'd give to see that face every single day. With everything between us, back to what it had been two years back.

Rainy days and lovers who dont bring flowers.

What time is it, where you are?
I miss you more than anything..
Im back at home, you feel so far,
Waiting for the phone to ring..
Its getting lonely living upside down,
I dont even wanna live in this town.
Trying to figure out the timezone, is making me crazaay..

You say good morning, when its midnight,
Going outta my head, alone in this bed.
I wake up to your sunset,
Its driving me mad, I miss you so bad!

More than just a Memory.

I was lost in my own world of thoughts, when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, and stopped dead in my tracks.

It was him. It had to be. 

There was no mistaking those hazel-brown eyes. 

All those years passed had shown an effect on him. His hair was now long, curly and prevented from running wild in all directions by a rubber band. Just like him. He had become visibly muscular. And perhaps tanned, too. A tattoo peeking through the hem of his tee. I wondered what it would be. A dragon, or a skull maybe. Thats was what we mostly used to go crazy about. 

He was one person who had no problem with my tom-boyness. Infact, he was more than happy to have a "brother" rather than a sister, being the only child. He always had the coolest stuff and brought me all sorts of it too. Sometimes it was that brown bracelet that I later called my rockstar charm or the sweatshirt with some punk-emo ish graphic on it.

This wildcat was my once-dearest cousin. Until, someday he ran off leaving everything behind to pursue his dream. After which, his parents disowned him. For now, lets call him- Al

I still remember the day he left. It was a day after I turned 10. He had gifted me a tee with Danger is my beat written on it. At that time itself it was a couple of sizes larger for me, nevertheless I wore it every other day. (And even when it was about to tear, I  made a few amends to it and started wearing it as a cropped tee) Little did I know that was the last time I'd see him for years.

I cried and cried till my tear ducts went dry. I realized he isn't coming back. Not now, not ever. I tried to get up, and stumbled. 

But, after a while did manage to get up, brushed my knees and started afresh. Yeah, well I was 10, but I somehow clutched onto every good memory I had of his, and went on with my life. Still trying to ignore that part of my head that wondered how he didn't think of saying goodbye to me, even once before leaving.

Well here he is now, standing right in front of me. 

I suddenly gathered my bearings, and tried to concentrate on what he was saying. 

"Sach... Look at you! You look like a girl! "

"Sorry?" I was still too lost in my thoughts, and snapped back to reality.

Considering I was wearing  a  black tee, jeans and my Nike sneakers; that was not the first thing I expected him to say. But then I got what he was trying to do- go for the jovial mood, and ease off my fury.

Mo, protectively stood by me throughout. I guess he thought Al looked fishy... and ready to do anything, if Al so much as lay a fingernail on me.

"You have grown so much! Its great to see you! You seem almost as tall as me!" He said.

"Sorry, but who are you?" I couldn't forgive him, neither could I let my hidden pain resurface. No way, after all these years.

"Aren't you Sachi? You don't remember me? Im Al, your brother? " He seemed genuinely puzzled, now.

Mo was about to say something, when I silently nudged his foot. Thankfully he understood, and kept quiet.

"Im sorry, but no. Im not your "Sachi". And I don't know any Al. The only Al I knew died, four years ago. So, Im sorry. But, you are sadly mistaken." Having said all I had to, I grabbed Mo's arm and started to walk in the other direction.

"Wait. Im sorry. I really am. I know I shouldn't have done, what I did. It was wrong. Completely wrong. I regret my decision. Well, not all of it. But, yeah most of it." He said while holding my other hand. All this while my gaze settled on the row of shops on the opposite side of the hallway. If he thought he could just come in front on me and I'd welcome him back with a smile, he was wrong. 

I stopped begrudgingly. I stared at his hand holding mine, and glared at him.

"Leave my hand" I hissed.

"Please! One chance! Lemme explain..? Are your parents here?" He asked.

"No. That's none of your business." I snapped back. Seeing he had now loosened his grip on my arm, I walked in the other direction. Mo marched alongside, keeping up with my pace. 

It had been four years. Four whole years. And without any warning he pops in front of me, in the most random place- The mall.
 Mo and I were wandering together, probably for the last time, before he left. It was supposed to be a memorable day. Now, there was no way it was gonna leave my memory. All due to the wrong reason.

All these years, there was not a word from him. No call, no email. Nothing. Sometime, along the years I heard from my uncle, that he was caught with drugs. That was the moment when I realized that the Al I knew was really no more. I started stalking him on facebook. I dont know why I did, but that gave me a sort of an assurance that he's still alive.

 He had supposedly started a company of his own, along with a friend. And now,  they were pretty successful too. And, I was happy for him. He had left home to follow his dream, and ended up happy. So,yeah I was happy for him too. Does not mean Im suddenly forgiving him.

Days turn to sand, losing all the strength in hand.

My Life sucks. Everything in it sucks.
Change is the principle of the universe- They say.
Changes suck.
They suck.

Exactly a year back, I was in my old home, perhaps sound asleep. But here I am.
New house, new car, new school. And perhaps, a new me.

When I think about it, I simply feel I prefer the new me. I know the older me was different.
If I say that there are times that I crave to be the older me, is there something wrong with me?

Maybe I prefer the truth not coming out. It'll make that douchebag realize the extent to which I miss him.
 He, instead might take pride in it. Who knows?
God, he has changed too.
 For now, lets call him-Ted.
Whenever I see him these days, he is with this other girl he's supposedly dating, a year junior to us.

I think I should've known.

Replaced. So easily I was taken outta his life, and replaced. All those promises of calling, with every detail, along with the momentary trust I had in them, broken.
 Even if I tried, I couldnt go on forever.

Forever. A word, I no longer had faith in.

The bad part was that I still loved him.
But this love was different. It was understanding, supporting and admiring each other. It was love, but of a different sort.
Definitely.
It was like, our own brand of love.

He was there for me. Always.
My dad often had to go abroad, for months together. And every time he left, I was teary-eyed. I had to act strong in front of mum, and my brother. I couldnt help it. I was their Iron-man.
He was always there,lending me a shoulder to cry on. The breakdowns I had with him, were our secrets.

He was one person who could bear my grumpy mood.
Whenever I was pissed at him, he knew how to steer himself out of trouble..so well.


Look, we were not made for each other. We just chose to stay together. He was the best friend I ever had.



Now, you'd be like, why are you writing all this here?
Yeah, you should not read ahead. No, seriously.

I just dont know what happened.

The exasperation I faced after seeing him in his new life, led me to deactivate my facebook account. I just wanted to go ahead and finish what he did.
Break all sources of connection with him.


He was an integral part of Me.

I just dont know what happened. We grew apart, maybe? I dont know.

After him, I had just found this way of steering myself away from everybody.

Dont get me wrong. The people at my new school,  are really nice. But, I used to feel they were very two-faced. All of them. Almost.
Then came Ananya.

She took his first step towards me, and somehow managed to crack the shell I had built around myself and let herself in.

I just somehow find myself being better friends with guys. Well, I do have girls as friends too, but somehow nobody was that close to me.
Maybe, thats the baggage you get, when you're quite the tomboy.
I dont know, I just somehow tried to steer myself away from gossip, and other girly stuff. Its always been that way.
I preferred over-sized tees, to tank tops. And jeans to skirts.
Until, now. More on that later.
It was always Linkin Park, never Taylor Swift.
Blah, I despise her. She always seems to be cribbing bout how perfect or imperfect her life is.
God. Is that what Im doing now?
Tell me it isnt. Please?

I dont think this is working
Freezing so hard, my hands are hurting
Ought to let go in the first place

And I put the phone on the front lawn
Everything that shows time is gone
Im outside looking for you

If  everthing'd stop I'll listen for your heart 
To lead me right to you, yeah
I tried every way I can.

Later.

Roll me up, and smoke me when I die.

Yeah, so. Im finally got back to blogging, after soo loooong...
Was quite tied up.
Lots of crap happening around, still.

Happy 2013, by the way ;)

A friend of mine recently lost his father in an accident. He was completely broken, and why wouldnt he be?
Its but natural. Felt really bad to see him like that.
Our dads together used to keep complaining about how difficult we teens are. Its really sad.

My best friend and another friend are shifting to Singapore.
Its gonna be great for him, too. He's leaving in like a month.
A month. Thats it.
Then he'll be gone.
I really dunno whats gonna happen to me. I just dont wanna go there. It gonna be different without him not around.
Different.

Then, this weather<3 I totally love winters!
Its come late. But, still. Its WINTER!!!
I dont know why people keep cribbing about it..It really pisses me off.
My white Australian hoodie is out! Woohooo!!

My reviews just got over, and exams coming up in a week.
The reviews went really bad, so my teachers were seriously agitated and told me to take 9th grade more seriously. Well,  Im a straight A student, and a nerd. But dont keep studying, like 24/7.  I just pay attention in class. But they say that if I do put in extra efforts and study for 3 hours per day, they guarantee A* in my boards, next year!!
My mum, couldnt contain her excitement and, stopped my going to badminton classes :/

Perhaps thats all for now. Maybe, maybe you noticed a change in my style of writing? ;)
And my newly found affection for tumblr "just girly thing" picchas =P
Change is good, sometimes.


           Can we pretend that airplanes
            In the night sky
            Are like shooting stars?
            Cuz I could really use
            A wish right now.  
                                           

Later.

Ciao x