Days turn to sand, losing all the strength in hand.

My Life sucks. Everything in it sucks.
Change is the principle of the universe- They say.
Changes suck.
They suck.

Exactly a year back, I was in my old home, perhaps sound asleep. But here I am.
New house, new car, new school. And perhaps, a new me.

When I think about it, I simply feel I prefer the new me. I know the older me was different.
If I say that there are times that I crave to be the older me, is there something wrong with me?

Maybe I prefer the truth not coming out. It'll make that douchebag realize the extent to which I miss him.
 He, instead might take pride in it. Who knows?
God, he has changed too.
 For now, lets call him-Ted.
Whenever I see him these days, he is with this other girl he's supposedly dating, a year junior to us.

I think I should've known.

Replaced. So easily I was taken outta his life, and replaced. All those promises of calling, with every detail, along with the momentary trust I had in them, broken.
 Even if I tried, I couldnt go on forever.

Forever. A word, I no longer had faith in.

The bad part was that I still loved him.
But this love was different. It was understanding, supporting and admiring each other. It was love, but of a different sort.
Definitely.
It was like, our own brand of love.

He was there for me. Always.
My dad often had to go abroad, for months together. And every time he left, I was teary-eyed. I had to act strong in front of mum, and my brother. I couldnt help it. I was their Iron-man.
He was always there,lending me a shoulder to cry on. The breakdowns I had with him, were our secrets.

He was one person who could bear my grumpy mood.
Whenever I was pissed at him, he knew how to steer himself out of trouble..so well.


Look, we were not made for each other. We just chose to stay together. He was the best friend I ever had.



Now, you'd be like, why are you writing all this here?
Yeah, you should not read ahead. No, seriously.

I just dont know what happened.

The exasperation I faced after seeing him in his new life, led me to deactivate my facebook account. I just wanted to go ahead and finish what he did.
Break all sources of connection with him.


He was an integral part of Me.

I just dont know what happened. We grew apart, maybe? I dont know.

After him, I had just found this way of steering myself away from everybody.

Dont get me wrong. The people at my new school,  are really nice. But, I used to feel they were very two-faced. All of them. Almost.
Then came Ananya.

She took his first step towards me, and somehow managed to crack the shell I had built around myself and let herself in.

I just somehow find myself being better friends with guys. Well, I do have girls as friends too, but somehow nobody was that close to me.
Maybe, thats the baggage you get, when you're quite the tomboy.
I dont know, I just somehow tried to steer myself away from gossip, and other girly stuff. Its always been that way.
I preferred over-sized tees, to tank tops. And jeans to skirts.
Until, now. More on that later.
It was always Linkin Park, never Taylor Swift.
Blah, I despise her. She always seems to be cribbing bout how perfect or imperfect her life is.
God. Is that what Im doing now?
Tell me it isnt. Please?

I dont think this is working
Freezing so hard, my hands are hurting
Ought to let go in the first place

And I put the phone on the front lawn
Everything that shows time is gone
Im outside looking for you

If  everthing'd stop I'll listen for your heart 
To lead me right to you, yeah
I tried every way I can.

Later.